The 3 parts of the anger conditioning equation
In this lesson you'll learn the three parts of the anger conditioning equation.
This will allow you to help a client find the events that conditioned their anger so you can de-condition it.
So what causes anger? The last time that Morty, Shelly and Rodney taught about anger conditioning in a live workshop in 2008 we taught that it has 3 elements.
1) Desire to do something + 2) Something or someone is in your way AND thinking it shouldn’t be + 3) Meaning “I’m powerless to get it out of my way” = Anger
In other words
Desire + Obstacle (shouldn't be) + Powerlessness = Anger
For example, if you see the injustice that a dictator has caused, you might feel anger.
Let's see how this would fit into the anger equation.
- You might have a desire for the situation to be different.
- The dictator is preventing the situation from getting better and you think he should not be.
- You feel powerless to stop him.
If you eliminated any of these three elements, would you feel anger?
If you did not care about what the dictator was doing ...
Or if you cared that people were suffering but believed the dictator was right to be doing what he is doing ...
Or if you cared and could instantly stop the dictator from harming others ...
According to the anger equation, you would not feel anger if any of these elements changed.
Let's consider an example that's more like what your clients might bring up.
A child is told to clean the dishes and the yard by his parents (parents clearly not upset).
They don’t listen to him when he says, “It’s not fair" and "why can’t Suzy do it”.
He does what he is told but is resentful.
Why is the child angry?
Before you read how it fits into the anger equation, think through how this example fits the three elements described above.
So here's my analysis:
(1)The child doesn't want to do chores and asks if his sister Suzy can do it.
His parents ignore him when he gives his objection, so they are now in his way (2) and since they are not listening to him he's powerless (3)
Here's another example. Read it and consider how it fits the three-part equation for anger.
Child says, “Will you get me that new toy?”
Parents say “We are not going to buy that for you.”
“Come on, please. I’ll do extra chores around the house for a week.”
“I said no. And if you say anything more about it, you’ll have to go to your room.”
The child is angry.
Here's my analysis:
What made the child angry here is not merely being denied a toy, it's having further communication shut down by the parents. This made the child feel powerless.
So I'd fit it into the equation in this way.
(1) Child wants to communicate desire to mom and dad.
(2) Parents get in the way of further communication.
(3) Child feels powerless to keep communicating with mom and dad.
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Assignment:
For each trigger for anger in an adult, find events that could have conditioned that trigger to produce anger.
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